I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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