Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
