I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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