me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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