Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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