I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
