Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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