I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
