Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
