hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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