I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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