he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
