You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
