he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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