I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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