My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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