I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
