seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
