You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
