those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
