you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
