bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
