Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
