Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
