You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm both gender and math confused
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
