oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
