OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
