i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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