so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
