so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
