Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
