i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
