physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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