I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
