Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish you could order shots online.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
