if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
