I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
