Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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