well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
