The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.