sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.