I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?