Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!