Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.