She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?