you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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