I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
