His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
