Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3pm strippers are depressing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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