i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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