You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
