Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
