Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
