you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
