Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
