she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
