Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
