i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
