He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
