Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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