And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
