One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
