I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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