Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
