i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
