Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
