Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
