I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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