My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
