All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
