help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
