He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
