Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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